Ending....

of summer always leaves me somewhat philosophical.  It is a bittersweet time.....a time when us moms feel the sadness of the kids going back to school but also the comfort of knowing the house will stay clean for at least 8 hours in a row and we will also have blocks of time again to ourselves.  I adore my kids.  I also adore "my" time.  How to find balance and elude guilt is an ongoing process.  As many of you know, last summer my husband took terribly, deathly ill.  It was an illness that sideswiped us and literally took his, our, breath away.  It changed our summer plans....it changed our life outlook.  While we were dealing with the long recovery of my husband his father then took ill and subsequently died.  It was not a good summer.  And, in the year that has passed since last summer my husband has continued to improve and we have continued to "hone" our life perspective and what we really want out of our time here on earth.  For this past summer our goal was to relax and enjoy the summer months.  To really be present in the moments that the season had to give and not sweat the small stuff, the "maintenance" parts of the summer.  So, this summer we let our yard go.  Really, truly, it looks like cr#*!  We spent the time that we would have spent weeding, mowing, fertilizing, watering, planting etc....walking together.  Hanging with the kids.  Fishing without bait.  Just generally "being" and not "keeping up".  My blog has suffered, my crafting has been put on the back burner....even my reading and I am a voracious reader...even my reading has been little to nil.  But my walking has been daily, my snuggling more often, my laughing with family more frequent.  My conversations have been longer.    My eyes have seen more sights and my soul has been replenished more completely than any summer before this.  I have just turned 50.  When I turned 30 I literally freaked out.  I felt soooo old -  it was such a hard birthday.  I can honestly say that turning 50 was the best birthday ever.  Really and truly.  I feel like have finally come into my own.  I have cut the people that I feel are "toxic" from my life and instead surround myself with those that I enjoy.  I look out over my weedy lawn and think...this is the way a successful, happy summer looks.  Before I would cringe at the site of my landscaping but today, taking my son's last "first" day of school picture I thought "what a beautifully awful looking lawn"!  Each weed is a fishing trip, a glass of wine, a movie, a swim, a dinner out, a conversation.  Many people have alluded to quilts as being representative of their lives....for me, today, this past summer, the ongoing mess that is my lawn is a beautiful picture of my last few months.   It completely represents the fact that I actively made choices to spend a Saturday elsewhere....and that has made all the difference as I head into a year of "lasts".  My last child is entering his last year of high school meaning he will be leaving us for college this time next year.  My middle child spent her last summer with us this past year as she will probably not come home during college break next summer.  And our oldest graduated from college and took a job in another state....further cementing her absence.  And finally my husband, well he took the last of his medications a week or so ago and is once and for all back on his travel schedule which takes him away around the world 50% of the time.  And, that is when I will read, craft, blog, clean my house and mow my lawn.  Heck, I might even fertilize now!

This is a card that I made some time ago and must have forgotten to upload.  It uses a Tim Holtz metal sentiment that I feel really conveys my summer state of mind.

I like this card....it is kinda wild with the various die cuts and unusual colors but I also think it works in a Sheila sort of way.  So, my girls are gone....one to work and one to college. My son left a few hours ago for school and my husband took off for China.....if any of you want to come over for coffee I have some time to sit and chat....just don't cut across my lawn in bare feet...the dry, spikey grass is a killer!

Be well,
Sheila